Completely Amazed

So, as a few of you know, today was a rough day for me. I had a meeting with one of my professors who basically told me that I can't write a history paper and he doesn't know how well I will do in the class. This really upset me because I have been working SO hard to do what he wants me to do and I feel like I can never please him. I have a 10 page paper due for him by the end of the month on Japanese kamikazes... and I am completely unmotivated to do it now. What makes it worse is that in the fall, I'll be taking a senior seminar with this same professor and I'm already freaking out about it. After the meeting, I was in tears. I called Carl and vented to him about it. He told me to take a deep breath and that everything will be okay. He suggested that I ask this professor if he can look over a rough draft or two of my paper and give me feedback since I'm obviously not meeting his requirements. So I contacted a bunch of people today who I thought could help me with research for it. I literally contacted anyone and everyone that I thought could/would help, including 2 of my old history professors from Bethel. This is where I was completely amazed. Both of them were so helpful. What amazes me the most is that I'm not even their student anymore and yet they are still extremely helpful and willing to help me. In both emails I got from them, they said that it was great to hear from me & missed having me in class. This makes me miss Bethel SO MUCH. You don't get that kind of support/willingness from most professors at IUSB. If I wasn't almost done with my degree, I would seriously consider transferring back there. While there have been good things that have happened to me while at IUSB (i.e. the sorority), part of me really regrets leaving Bethel. I'm so grateful for the continued support from my old professors.
Thank you, Dr. Haas & Dr. Schmidt!

Procrastination

So I really should be doing homework right now but I don't want to so I thought I'd write a little post. Yesterday was a long day for me and it ended pretty bad. I went to my night class thinking that it was going to be a regular class. I get there and I see everyone looking over their notes and one guy asked me if I was ready for the exam. I just gave him a blank look and was like "um.... nooo." See, I thought the midterm was suppose to be on Thursday. Pretty sure it was last night. So I "studied" for like 5 minutes before the exam. I wanted to cry. I hate when things like that happen and I'm not prepared. It makes me feel like such a bad student. I did as well as I could so I'm hoping that I at least pass it. We'll see!

On Monday, I "graduated" (as Carl put it) from the Crossfit On-Ramp program so now I'm in actual classes. This morning was my first class and I thought it went pretty well. I wasn't looking forward to having to do a 1k row because I hate rowing but it wasn't too bad. I liked having other people in the class with me because it pushed me. I feel pretty good about my performance today. The WOD was:

Complete as many rounds as possible in 3 minutes, rest 1 minute after completing each 3 minutes. Do this 6 times.

3 Power Clean 155 lbs (I just did 60 lbs)
6 Push Ups
9 Air Squats / 9 Ring Dips (I did dips with the box)

I got 13 rounds and 2 power cleans completed. 13 rounds was my goal so I was happy I reached it. I'm excited to be in classes now and will be working on setting some personal goals. Yay Crossfit :)

A Day I'll Never Forget

One of my favorite pictures of me and my grandpa :)

Today was special for two different reasons. First, my little sister was baptized this afternoon. I'm so incredibly proud of her. She is growing up to be such a beautiful young woman with a heart of gold. I know I'm biased, but I have the best sister in the world.
Today was also special because it was my grandpa's 90th birthday. As many of you know, my grandpa has had cancer for 2 - 2 1/2 years now. A couple weeks ago, the decision was made to stop treatments. I've never been really close to my grandpa but he has always been there for me. He never missed a swim meet, dance recital, choir concert, or any other event I was involved in. He and my grandma were always there for me. Not only that but he makes THE BEST cookies in the world. About 2 weeks ago, I was able to interview my grandpa for one of my history classes. I had to ask him questions about World War II and his involvement. I learned some pretty cool stuff. He didn't get to serve in the army because he had hearing problems so he stayed home and worked on the family farm. He also worked as a volunteer firefighter and would help put out wild fires. His one brother (he is the youngest of 7 boys) fought in the war, was in France, and was apart of the forces that stormed the beaches in Normandy on D-Day. I think the opportunity to talk to him about this time in American history (also one of my favorite eras) was totally God's work. I saw my grandpa in a completely different light. He was so eager to tell me everything and even had my dad call me the next day because he forgot to tell me something. I'll cherish that conversation and that day for the rest of my life.
However, today was a bittersweet day. While it was special because he turned 90, I know it's probably his last birthday. And that breaks my heart. In the 22 years I've been alive, I don't ever remember a time when my grandpa cried. But today he did. After the baptism service was done, my sister came up to hug him and he said "thank you for doing this on my birthday" and started to cry. I lost it. While he and I haven't been close in ways that most people would consider close, we're close in other ways. We're close in the way that he has always been such a wonderful grandpa and has shown me throughout the years how much he loves me and is proud of me. I wouldn't trade that for the world. My grandpa has also never been the kind to say "I love you" a lot. You know he does but he just never really says it. Lately, he's been saying it all the time. Which makes me feel good but also breaks my heart because he knows that his time is limited.
I'm just thankful to have been blessed with such a wonderful and loving grandpa and will cherish the time we have left together!

Crossfit

So, as some of you already know, today was my first day at Crossfit. I now understand what everyone has been talking about for the last year and a half. After my first day, I already love it. I know it was only my first time, but I felt incredible after leaving. While my arms feel like they might fall off, it's a good hurt. I'm very thankful for a great boyfriend who is an excellent teacher & I can't wait for him to teach me more!

Something Greater Than Myself

So as many of you know, this past Saturday the Epsilon Lambda colony of Alpha Sigma Tau became the Epsilon Lambda chapter. There aren't words to describe how absolutely wonderful this day was. It's so hard to explain in words how wonderful it made me feel. To be apart of something that is greater and bigger than anything I've ever done is a true honor. At the end of our meeting tonight I got a little choked up. The things that used to have little meaning now have a tremendous amount of meaning. It's not that I didn't believe the words or felt like they didn't mean anything, but they mean so much more to me now. It's so hard to put words to it. I love all of my sisters, those in my chapter and those not, so much. It was so wonderful to go through this experience with them and I think I can speak for all of them when I say it was a day we will never forget! :)

Unlikely Inspiration?

When I got home from Carl's last night, I finished watching the Kennedy Center honors program. One of the year's honorees was Paul McCartney of the Beatles. Of course they performed a tribute to him, singing a medley of various Beatles songs. In one of them, The End, there's a line that reads: "The love you make is equal to the love you take." It suddenly hit me that this is so true. If you aren't willing to love the way you want to be loved, then you'll never get it in return. Just thought I'd share that little piece of inspiration. Hope every one has a great New Year on Friday!

Friends

Friends

My mom & me

Carl & I

As some of you know, this week has been hell for me. If it's not one thing, it's another. Monday I got into a small wreck at school. Tuesday I got some not so great news from a professor that could possibly be heartbreaking so I spent almost my whole day worrying about that. On top of that, I couldn't get a hold of the other person involved in my accident so I was really worried that I was gonna get screwed over. Today has been completely jam packed with work and school and tomorrow is going to be even worse. I'm not trying to throw a big pitty party for myself or anything... I just wanted to set up a little picture that goes along with what I'm about to say.

I have the GREATEST family & friends a girl could have. My mom has been my strength this week. She knows me better than anyone else and tells me to take a deep breath when I feel like I'm about to explode. My boyfriend is wonderful and believed in me when I was doubting myself. He reminded me that I'm a strong person and can get through this. My friends have been wonderful as well, offering listening ears if I need to talk and their help. Ashley B. & Will have been especially wonderful this week. I no longer refer to them (and Joel & Conrad for that matter) as friends I met through Carl. I now refer to them as MY friends... which they truly truly are.

So thank you to all of those people who have reminded me that this is merely a bump in the road, that I will get through it, and that the semester is almost over!! :)