Thank You!

I just wanted to publicly thank those who have shown support and love to me & my family over the last few days. First off, my sorority sisters. You girls are wonderful. Thank you for the random text messages, facebook posts, and Oncourse messages telling me how sorry you are and that you love me. I'm so honored to be apart of such a great group of women.
Second, my friends -- Erin, LeighAnn, Conrad, Ashley, Joel, Will, Kelsey, & Dugan. Through your texts, visits, facebook posts, etc. I have found strength to get through the last 2 days. Thank you from my family for the flowers and for coming to the viewing yesterday as well. I feel so blessed to have you in my life & am continually reminded how lucky I am to call you friends.
Third, my boyfriend -- Carl. You've been a wonderful outlet for me to go to when I'm sad. You comforted me and let me cry in your arms. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart & my family's, for being with us today at the funeral. It was more comforting than you know to simply have you hold my hand during the service.
Fourth, my mom & Jaime. Mom, I don't even know how to thank you enough for hugging me multiple times in the last few days and letting me spill my heart out to you. You are my best friend & I would be absolutely lost without you. Jaime, thank you for the random hugs & kisses on my forehead. Those in and of itself have helped comfort me.
Fifth, to those who have sent me messages/posts on facebook and cards-- there are too many of you to name but you know who you are. I'm completely humbled by how much support and loving words I have gotten from you... especially those who I don't really talk to that much. It has meant so much to me to have your sympathies and to know that I was important enough to you to let me know I was in your thoughts and prayers.
Sixth, to my family. The last month hasn't been easy for us, seeing Grandpa like he was, but we've become closer because of it, and I have faith that we will continue to grow. I love you all more than words can say and I'm continually grateful to have each and every one of you as my family.
Finally...my Grandma. I know you probably won't see this, but I'm amazed at how strong of a woman you are. You have handled all of this with such poise and dignity, while at the same time grieving the loss of your best friend. You & Grandpa have been the best grandparents a girl could ask for and while we will all miss Grandpa immensely, we know he is with his Lord & no longer suffering. I love you beyond words & cherish you so much more.

I love you all.

My Grandpa

As you all probably know by now, my grandpa passed away tonight. He has had multiple myeloma cancer for the last 2 1/2 years and had really taken a turn for the worse within the last week or two. It was so weird how fast he was changing. I remember the first day I went to see him after they brought in a hospital bed. He was sitting up, eating and talking. The next time I went to see him, which was like 2 or 3 days later, he wasn't able to feed himself. And then there was today but I'm not going to get in to that. I woke up this morning planning to spend a good portion of my day in Nappanee with my family. I knew the end was near but I had no idea how close it really was. My aunts and I, along with my grandma, were sitting in the living room with my grandpa, looking through a bunch of pictures when all of a sudden my grandpa started to open his eyes (he had been unresponsive since yesterday). Talking about it later tonight, we all came to the agreement that he did that because a. he wanted to get our attention and b. he wanted to make sure we were all around him. Those last few minutes with him are something that I'll never forget.
What amazes me the most in all of this is how grateful my family was. My dad, grandma and aunts kept saying "God is so good". See, through all of this, my grandpa hasn't had any pain. Which is unbelievable given the type of cancer he had. But to see the rest of my family giving thanks shortly after their father/husband had passed away completely humbled me. God really IS good. As much as I'm going to miss my grandpa and his quiet whit (he had some really good one-liners over the years), I'm SO thankful that the Lord spared him pain.
It still feels like a really bad dream that I'm gonna wake up from and I'm sure it'll feel like that for a while. I'm just thankful that I was able to be with him in his final hours.

Thank you to all my friends, family, Carl's rugby team, and other loved ones who have extended condolences to me and my family. You have no idea how much that means and how comforting it is to know we are supported.

"Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies." -- John 11:25

Completely Amazed

So, as a few of you know, today was a rough day for me. I had a meeting with one of my professors who basically told me that I can't write a history paper and he doesn't know how well I will do in the class. This really upset me because I have been working SO hard to do what he wants me to do and I feel like I can never please him. I have a 10 page paper due for him by the end of the month on Japanese kamikazes... and I am completely unmotivated to do it now. What makes it worse is that in the fall, I'll be taking a senior seminar with this same professor and I'm already freaking out about it. After the meeting, I was in tears. I called Carl and vented to him about it. He told me to take a deep breath and that everything will be okay. He suggested that I ask this professor if he can look over a rough draft or two of my paper and give me feedback since I'm obviously not meeting his requirements. So I contacted a bunch of people today who I thought could help me with research for it. I literally contacted anyone and everyone that I thought could/would help, including 2 of my old history professors from Bethel. This is where I was completely amazed. Both of them were so helpful. What amazes me the most is that I'm not even their student anymore and yet they are still extremely helpful and willing to help me. In both emails I got from them, they said that it was great to hear from me & missed having me in class. This makes me miss Bethel SO MUCH. You don't get that kind of support/willingness from most professors at IUSB. If I wasn't almost done with my degree, I would seriously consider transferring back there. While there have been good things that have happened to me while at IUSB (i.e. the sorority), part of me really regrets leaving Bethel. I'm so grateful for the continued support from my old professors.
Thank you, Dr. Haas & Dr. Schmidt!

Procrastination

So I really should be doing homework right now but I don't want to so I thought I'd write a little post. Yesterday was a long day for me and it ended pretty bad. I went to my night class thinking that it was going to be a regular class. I get there and I see everyone looking over their notes and one guy asked me if I was ready for the exam. I just gave him a blank look and was like "um.... nooo." See, I thought the midterm was suppose to be on Thursday. Pretty sure it was last night. So I "studied" for like 5 minutes before the exam. I wanted to cry. I hate when things like that happen and I'm not prepared. It makes me feel like such a bad student. I did as well as I could so I'm hoping that I at least pass it. We'll see!

On Monday, I "graduated" (as Carl put it) from the Crossfit On-Ramp program so now I'm in actual classes. This morning was my first class and I thought it went pretty well. I wasn't looking forward to having to do a 1k row because I hate rowing but it wasn't too bad. I liked having other people in the class with me because it pushed me. I feel pretty good about my performance today. The WOD was:

Complete as many rounds as possible in 3 minutes, rest 1 minute after completing each 3 minutes. Do this 6 times.

3 Power Clean 155 lbs (I just did 60 lbs)
6 Push Ups
9 Air Squats / 9 Ring Dips (I did dips with the box)

I got 13 rounds and 2 power cleans completed. 13 rounds was my goal so I was happy I reached it. I'm excited to be in classes now and will be working on setting some personal goals. Yay Crossfit :)

A Day I'll Never Forget

One of my favorite pictures of me and my grandpa :)

Today was special for two different reasons. First, my little sister was baptized this afternoon. I'm so incredibly proud of her. She is growing up to be such a beautiful young woman with a heart of gold. I know I'm biased, but I have the best sister in the world.
Today was also special because it was my grandpa's 90th birthday. As many of you know, my grandpa has had cancer for 2 - 2 1/2 years now. A couple weeks ago, the decision was made to stop treatments. I've never been really close to my grandpa but he has always been there for me. He never missed a swim meet, dance recital, choir concert, or any other event I was involved in. He and my grandma were always there for me. Not only that but he makes THE BEST cookies in the world. About 2 weeks ago, I was able to interview my grandpa for one of my history classes. I had to ask him questions about World War II and his involvement. I learned some pretty cool stuff. He didn't get to serve in the army because he had hearing problems so he stayed home and worked on the family farm. He also worked as a volunteer firefighter and would help put out wild fires. His one brother (he is the youngest of 7 boys) fought in the war, was in France, and was apart of the forces that stormed the beaches in Normandy on D-Day. I think the opportunity to talk to him about this time in American history (also one of my favorite eras) was totally God's work. I saw my grandpa in a completely different light. He was so eager to tell me everything and even had my dad call me the next day because he forgot to tell me something. I'll cherish that conversation and that day for the rest of my life.
However, today was a bittersweet day. While it was special because he turned 90, I know it's probably his last birthday. And that breaks my heart. In the 22 years I've been alive, I don't ever remember a time when my grandpa cried. But today he did. After the baptism service was done, my sister came up to hug him and he said "thank you for doing this on my birthday" and started to cry. I lost it. While he and I haven't been close in ways that most people would consider close, we're close in other ways. We're close in the way that he has always been such a wonderful grandpa and has shown me throughout the years how much he loves me and is proud of me. I wouldn't trade that for the world. My grandpa has also never been the kind to say "I love you" a lot. You know he does but he just never really says it. Lately, he's been saying it all the time. Which makes me feel good but also breaks my heart because he knows that his time is limited.
I'm just thankful to have been blessed with such a wonderful and loving grandpa and will cherish the time we have left together!

Crossfit

So, as some of you already know, today was my first day at Crossfit. I now understand what everyone has been talking about for the last year and a half. After my first day, I already love it. I know it was only my first time, but I felt incredible after leaving. While my arms feel like they might fall off, it's a good hurt. I'm very thankful for a great boyfriend who is an excellent teacher & I can't wait for him to teach me more!

Something Greater Than Myself

So as many of you know, this past Saturday the Epsilon Lambda colony of Alpha Sigma Tau became the Epsilon Lambda chapter. There aren't words to describe how absolutely wonderful this day was. It's so hard to explain in words how wonderful it made me feel. To be apart of something that is greater and bigger than anything I've ever done is a true honor. At the end of our meeting tonight I got a little choked up. The things that used to have little meaning now have a tremendous amount of meaning. It's not that I didn't believe the words or felt like they didn't mean anything, but they mean so much more to me now. It's so hard to put words to it. I love all of my sisters, those in my chapter and those not, so much. It was so wonderful to go through this experience with them and I think I can speak for all of them when I say it was a day we will never forget! :)